K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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