Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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