ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
