HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
