go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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