I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize