I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
