I cut my penus on the lid.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize