I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
