Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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