Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
