My cat gives me a boner
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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