Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
