If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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