Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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