his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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