How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
