the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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