Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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