Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
