my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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