his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
