My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
