never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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