so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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