Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he thought i was a dude.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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