My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
