A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
