Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
