If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
