Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
