i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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