I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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