chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
