bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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