Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
