i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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