My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
