i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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