every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
