Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
