The maid of honor just puked.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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