She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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