We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
