I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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