i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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