I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
