I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize