I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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