Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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