her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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