as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
