So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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