He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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