ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
