My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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