I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
