my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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