I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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