he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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