At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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