If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
