Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
