Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
