I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize