its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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