I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
