that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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