**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
