I don't usually arrange sex via text message
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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