I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
