bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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