at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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